let me set the scene for you: i'm at my every-6-week doctor's appointment with baby in tow because i couldn't find a babysitter in time. she was acting crazy. my pulse ox read at only 89, low blood pressure, not feeling great about this tuesday morning.
as i'm waiting for the doctor to come in, payne county DHS texts. 11 month old boy from a police raid, has been at the DHS office all day being loved on. needs a foster home.
i sigh as i am picking my daughter off the floor from throwing a fit. i feel the Lord say, "say yes"…so without so much as even asking my husband, or our college student roommate who is renting our guest room right next to the nursery, i say yes. i fill everyone in. i call my friend abi for clothes. DHS delivers him to our house and he is so perfect and beautiful. i thank the Lord, but then i feel intense grief.
he needed an immediate check-up, to which i left sis with laura (live-in nanny, friend, chef). the whole way to the ER i cried as i thought about leaving my daughter for a couple hours, as if i was leaving her for another baby. as if i was cheating on her to help another child. it was such a weird feeling that i had to spend time in prayer unpacking it.
you see, this is our problem: complacency. we have fostered very short term other than the baby girl we have had for the last 17.5 months and are, Lord willing, going to adopt. we have become so comfortable in our little family. we don't need to stir the pot now, right? we are smooth sailing and, after all, foster care is messy, so why would we take a kid straight from a traumatic police raid? what if it effected our little girl? then God gently reminded me that our precious baby was once "just" a foster kid, and was alone and scared and confused, just like our new little guy (baby B) is. complacency is a sickness and we have it bad. we have taken only 2 kids into our home since baby J was placed into our care at birth. only 2 kids. in 18 months. i beg for God to gently make me uncomfortable. for the sake of baby B and my own sanctification. having two babies just 5 months apart is a lot, but i said yes, and God went before me into this. and people have done more, and will do more, and i have fallen short, and will continue to fall short.
will you pray for us as we settle into life with two babies? my heart knows God has made smooth a path before me if i can just die to myself. you see, if we see baby B through to reunification it could be several months. several months of postponing our own adoption, and growing our family. right when we decided to adopt and say "goodbye" to foster parenting, God said "just wait, sweethearts, we aren't finished here"...
thank you for reading,
chelsie
