being able to communicate effectively is so important to being a foster parent. people would be surprised at how many people foster parent's have to engage with regarding their children. for example, just today alone, i spoke face to face with baby j's caseworker, i also emailed him later in the day, i spoke face to face with bio mom, spoke face to face with a fellow foster mom, spoke on the phone to her, and emailed her. and that is just a normal day. so basically, there's a lot of communicating going on, and it needs to be clear, concise, and purposeful.
let me begin by saying i'm a terrible communicator. but really. it was always such an unfortunate quality of mine. i'm an anxious person a lot of the time, i'm hyper-vigilent (always on alert about every tiny little thing that is happening anywhere near me...it's hard to communicate with a brain like that), and i'm an introvert. i have like 8 people that i talk to, and that i know how to communicate with. so there's a learning curve every time i speak with someone new, which is often in the foster care system. then i got married, and i realized what a necessity communication is, and how much love that it could sew and what a blessing it could be. it can make a tense situation easier. it can gently bring lies to truth and darkness to light. in simple ways, it can save time, confusion, hurt feelings, thin skin (me, i have that.)
in every arena that you will be in for foster care, you will have to communicate differently.
in the court room, if you are advocating for a child in your care, they will let you get up and you have to say a few words but you have to be FAST. either the judge or the DA will just cut you off.
to your caseworker, who should be the brains of scheduling visits and things that directly involve the FPs, communication should be quick and to the point. they are busy people! we found out our caseworker prefers email, that way there's a paper trail of information and he can revisit it. so now we email him, and it works great.
to fellow FPs, some know this and some don't, but our sweet baby j has two equally sweet, squeezable sisters. they were placed in a foster home in stillwater before baby j was even discharged from the hospital. they.are.awesome. they are brilliant parents. they have five kids in their home (3 biological and then the sisters - i'll call them A5 and K2) and they're sane, organized and loving. we probably talk to them the most. sometimes our conversations are like talking to friends, and other times it's business. just depends on what brought us to talk that particular day.
to bio parents, this is...difficult. i see the bio mom face to face a couple of times a month. that's really a lot compared to other cases. and to be honest, it's hard. it's hard to communicate with people who are making poor life choices. they are emotional, struggling for power, and sometimes they can be dishonest and confusing. we try and keep things simple. let's communicate the your kids, motherhood, and tips and tricks for child rearing. we try to steer clear of any communication taking the attention off of the kids (A5 and K2's foster mom is way better at this than i am). i really try and not let emotions lead the conversations (on anyones side), but sometimes it does happen.
random people, strangers that you have never met will ask you the most inappropriate questions about foster care. the most brutally offensive questions. i like the approach of PRIVACY. so a lot of times i will say "well, i can't disclose that information to anyone that isn't immediate family" or "what the hell did you just ask me?" - kidding on the last one. communicating in situations like this requires composure and brevity.
this list doesn't even include doctors, developmental specialists, psychiatrists, school employees, etc. there are a lot of cooks in the DHS kitchen, let me tell you what.
hope this was insightful!
chelsie
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